Joke of the day!!

Daddy’s Call
“Hello?”, “Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?”
“No Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.”
After a brief pause, Daddy says, “But honey, you haven’t got an Uncle Paul.”
“Oh yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now.”
Brief Pause. “Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway.”
“Okay Daddy, just a minute.”
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
“I did it Daddy.”
“And what happened honey?” he asked.
Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn’t moving at all!”
“Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?”
“He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn’t know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he’s dead.”
***Long Pause***
***Longer Pause***
***Even Longer Pause***
Then Daddy says,
“Swimming pool? …. Is this 486-5731?”

Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat's milk.


The older of the two pulls a small folder out of her handbag and starts flipping through photos. They start reminiscing.


''This is my oldest son, Mujibar. He would have been 24 years old now.''


''Yes, I remember him as a baby..'' says the other mother cheerfully.



"He's a martyr now though." the mother confides.


"Oh, so sad dear...'' says the other.


''And this is my second son, Khalid. He would have been 21.''


''Oh, I remember him,'' says the other happily, ''he had such curly hair when he was born.''


''He's a martyr too...'' says the mother quietly.


''Oh, gracious me...'' says the other.


''And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would have been 18'', she whispers.


"Yes," says the friend enthusiastically, ''I remember when he first started school...''


''He's a martyr also,'' says the mother, with tears in her eyes.


After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and, searching for the right words, says . .

"They blow up so fast, don't they?"

I stole it from the Kawasaki board I'm on. Damn those Brits are funny!!!!!

I just spit Tea everywhere!!

On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear, " replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "And if that damned ice cream truck hadn’t come along, he’d still be alive today!"