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Post by Daniel on Mar 18, 2015 18:50:18 GMT -6
I could have posted this on Bob but decided not too: A ranch woman takes her three sons to the doctor for physicals for the first time in their lives. The doctor examines the boys and tells the woman that they are healthy but she needs to give them iron supplements. She goes home and wonders exactly what iron supplements are. Finally, she goes to the hardware store and buys iron ball bearings (BB's) and mixes them into their food. Several days later the youngest son comes to her and tells her that he is pissing BB's. She tells him that it is normal because she had put them in his food. Later the middle son comes to her and says that he is crapping BB's. Again, she says that it is ok. That evening the eldest son comes in very upset. He says "Ma, you won't believe what happened". She says "I know, you're passing BB's". "No", he says. "I was out behind the barn jacking off and I shot the dog".   |
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Post by Somebody on Mar 19, 2015 20:51:12 GMT -6
I could have posted this one Bob but decided not too: A ranch woman takes her three sons to the doctor for physicals for the first time in their lives. The doctor examines the boys and tells the woman that they are healthy but she needs to give them iron supplements. She goes home and wonders exactly what iron supplements are. Finally, she goes to the hardware store and buys iron ball bearings (BB's) and mixes them into their food. Several days later the youngest son comes to her and tells her that he is pissing BB's. She tells him that it is normal because she had put them in his food. Later the middle son comes to her and says that he is crapping BB's. Again, she says that it is ok. That evening the eldest son comes in very upset. He says "Ma, you won't believe what happened". She says "I know, you're passing BB's". "No", he says. "I was out behind the barn jacking off and I shot the dog". I actually remember this joke when I was a kid.. Yes thats how old it is!! Lol |
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Post by mpdxtreme on Mar 19, 2015 21:14:17 GMT -6
I remember that one from when I was in 8th grade, 77-78 school year. It's an oldie but goodie.
GG
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Post by mike on Mar 19, 2015 21:33:03 GMT -6
Y'all old farts |
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Post by mike on Mar 20, 2015 10:07:22 GMT -6
This farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster and he wants chicks. So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster. The other farmer says, "Yeah, I've got this great rooster, named Randy; he'll service every chicken you've got. No problem."
Well , Randy the rooster is a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. So , he buys Randy. The farmer takes Randy home and sets him down in the barnyard, giving the rooster a pep talk, " Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here and you cost me a lot of money and I'll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun," the farmer said with a chuckle.
Randy seemed to understand, so the farmer points towards the hen house and Randy took off like a shot ~WHAM~ He nails every hen on there THREE or FOUR times and the farmer is just shocked. Randy runs out of the hen house and sees a flock of geese down by the lake ~WHAM~ He gets all the geese. Randy's up in the pigpen. He's in with the cows. Randy is jumping on every animal the farmer owns.
The farmer is distraught, worried that his expensive rooster won't even last the day. Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next day to find Randy dead as a doorknob in the middle of the yard. Buzzards are circling overhead.
The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful animal , shakes his head and says, "Oh, Randy, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself." Randy opens one eye, nods towards the sky and say's , "Shhh. They're getting closer...."
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Post by mike on Mar 20, 2015 11:05:33 GMT -6
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Post by davidsyj on Apr 14, 2015 13:26:35 GMT -6
Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm.
His wife is lying in bed reading.
Man says,"This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache"
Wife replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep."
Man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."
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Post by mike on Apr 14, 2015 13:37:00 GMT -6
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Post by Somebody on Apr 14, 2015 15:33:41 GMT -6
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Post by mpdxtreme on Apr 18, 2015 23:56:13 GMT -6
Point to ponder  GG |
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Post by 06blackmax on May 25, 2015 13:42:11 GMT -6
u a Liberal, a Conservative, or a Redneck?
Here is a little test that will help you decide........
Question:
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two
small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge
knife comes around the corner, locks eyes on you, screams
obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges.
You are carrying a Glock 40, and you are an expert shot. You
have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What
do you do?
Liberal's Answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to
attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife
out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message
does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he would be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just
to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get
away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have
a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier
street that would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing!! I need to debate this with some
friends for few days and try to come to a consensus.
Conservative's Answer:
......BANG!
Redneck's Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
click.....(sounds of reloading).
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
click. Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips?"
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Post by 06blackmax on Jul 21, 2015 7:34:28 GMT -6
Ok here's some summer camp jokes for the kids. My son told me these.
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little "boogie" in it!
What do cows do on a Friday night?
Go to the "Moovies"!
Hope the kids enjoy them. And the adults too!
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Post by mike on Aug 7, 2015 17:27:14 GMT -6
The older we get the wiser we become . .
Took down our Rebel flag and peeled the NRA sticker off the front door.
We've disconnected our home alarm
system and quit our candy-ass Neighborhood Watch.
Bought two Pakistani flags on eBay
and raised them in the front yard, one at each corner, plus a black flag
of ISIS in the center.
Now, the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret
Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7.
I've never felt safer and we're saving $49.95 a month.
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Post by mike on Sept 10, 2015 17:30:05 GMT -6
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Post by mike on Sept 10, 2015 17:30:38 GMT -6
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Just remember...we give them back in 10 months 
It's alive!! 
