I have to copy that here while it's still up
Open letter to all Honda owners.
Dear Honda owners,
I don't want to race you.
That's right, I'm un-interested in trying to challenge you and your faux
supercar in a drag race between stoplights downtown. I don't know why
you all feel the need to glare at me while the light is red. You don't
have to change your grip on the steering wheel like its a pair of
motorcycle handlebars, either. You especially don't need to rev your
four-cylinder with its loud exhaust system because you might tempt me to
want to race you.
I don't.
What really gets me, though, is with the abundance of similarly
craptastic hondas out there, why do you want to race me? The way I
figure it, you want to race everything in sight. My Jeep has less than
200 horsepower and the aerodynamics of a barn. However, I suppose the
near-verticle air dam which is my windshield isn't neccesarily
discouraging to someone who puts a god-damn wing on the back of a front
wheel drive car. More downforce for the rear wheels then, eh? That way
you can accelerate faster, right? Great work, dipshit.
But seriously. I don't get it. I don't ask you to go drive trails with
me. I don't wave and say 'lets go haul ass through a mud pit'. Sure, I
spend about as much time off pavement as you do on the track, but at
least I can tell the difference between a race car and a 4x4. Does my
Jeep look like a challenge or something? Do you and your honda friends
get together and say 'Dood! I just beat that Jeep with the big tires and
low gears! I'm so fast!'
The way I figure it, your car sucks so much, you can't beat any of the
other Hondas, and sure as hell don't want to admit defeat. Instead of
buying a genuinely fast car, you choose to get your rocks off racing
easy vehicles in your piece of shit. Way to go, badass! I'm proud of
you! Why don't we get together and beat up some kids later. I'll let you
sucker punch a baby. It will be hard core.
Seriously, though. Please, please, the next time you see me, or any
other non-challenging vehicle at a light, don't antagonize them and
encourage them to 'race.' Instead, pull your head our of your ass, and
realize that your hatchback is probably faster than a minivan, delivery
truck, recreational vehicle, bicycle, u-haul, and other similar
underpowered non/aerodynamic vehicles. Oh, and don't forget, you're
probably faster than me, too.
Go play some more Gran Turismo, and quit being a jackass.
Thank you.